


A True Love Tale, Boy's Side

by emmykay



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Banter, F/M, Humor, POV Outsider, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26813167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmykay/pseuds/emmykay
Summary: Heisuke's got a problem with Chizuru, and he goes to talk it over with his friends.  Modern Setting AU.  Sexual humor.  The most romance.
Relationships: Toudou Heisuke/Yukimura Chizuru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	A True Love Tale, Boy's Side

**Author's Note:**

> Everybody works at the same company, Yamazaki's in a different division than everybody else.

Two men sat at the bar, drinking beers and chatting the amiable chat of long time friends at the start of a long weekend. They were joined shortly by a third.

"Yamazaki! Long time no see," Shinpachi said. 

"Good to see you," said Sanosuke. "Glad you could finally make it."

"I thought it was time to take up the invite," Yamazaki said. The trio settled down to their beers when a fourth joined their group almost silently.

Sanosuke nudged Shinpachi. "Hey, it's Heisuke."

Shinpachi looked up as their good friend settled himself down at the bar without his usual burst of chatter and then waited unusually patiently for the bartender to get his order.

Sanosuke raised an eyebrow at Shinpachi. "How're you doing, Heisuke?"

"Okay," Heisuke said as the bartender slid the drink over towards him. "Oh, hey, Susumu, good to see you."

"You, too," said Yamazaki. "How have you been?"

Heisuke sighed glumly and took a deep drink.

This was more and more unusual. 

Shinpachi asked. "How's Chizuru?"

Unlike the usual brightening of his expression at his wife's name, Heisuke seemed to settle a bit more into himself. Sanosuko nudged Shinpachi, his eyebrows communicating that there was something going on. Shinpachi nudged back. Harder, his eyebrows indicating he knew. Sanosuke stopped himself from it becoming an all out brawl by saying, "What's up?"

"Oh. Nothing." Heisuke inspected the contents of his beer glass.

"You sure?" asked Shinpachi.

"Well," started Heisuke. He took a fortifying swallow. "I don't think she's happy."

Yamazaki leaned forward, just a little. "What do you mean?"

"She said something the other day. I think we argued."

"Oh?" Sanosuke and Shinpachi looked at each other. The idea that Chizuru and Heisuke had an argument seemed surprising. Sometimes, they did seem to speak in a language all their own sometimes, but it was always unfailingly supportive and generous and kind.

"Yeah," Heisuke said. "She thinks I haven't been spending enough time with the family."

Sanosuke said, "You spend more time with your family than most guys I know."

"You do a lot of chores, and you're with the kids all the time, except for when we go out for beer," Shinpachi said.

"I thought I was doing all right," Heisuke said. "But then, she said she thinks it's maybe her. Like I haven't been spending enough time with her."

Shinpachi frowned. "You guys have been married, what, over ten years now, right?"

"Right out of college," Heisuke confirmed. 

"So it's been a while," calculated Yamazaki.

"Don't you remember? You were at the wedding, Shin. But what does that have to do with the fight?" asked Heisuke.

"Married people complain about being married a lot," said Shinpachi with all the authority of the never-married.

Sanosuke asked, "When did you, you know, last romance her?"

"Money's tight, with the kids and all, so I can't take her out to a lot of places." Heisuke sighed. "But she knows that and says she doesn't mind. She says as long as we can be together, it's fine."

"That's nice," Yamazaki said. "If she means it."

"Oh, she does, she does," Heisuke said.

"Yeah," Shinpachi said. "Chizuru's the kind of person who can't not tell the truth."

"I mean, when did you last _romance_ her?" Sanosuke asked. He wiggled his eyebrows. 

"Oh!" Heisuke thought for a moment. "You mean have sex? I dunno. Last week."

Shinpachi said, "Last week? That's not bad - "

"I know it's not our usual!" Heisuke burst out, intense. 

"For a guy with a kid plus a baby and a full-time job, that's okay - " Sanosuke began.

"It's not a lot," Heisuke argued. 

Yamazaki frowned, as if confronted with a brand new type of puzzle. "How often do you usually?"

"We usually go four or five times a week, sometimes everyday."

Shinpachi looked like he was caught swallowing his own tongue or spitting out his beer. "What?!"

Sanosuke looked as if he felt faint. "Everyday?"

"I mean, we'd do it more often, except for when one of us is sick or something." Heisuke was matter-of-fact. 

"More often?" echoed Shinpachi.

"It's surprising you don't have more kids," Yamazaki commented quietly.

"Chizuru says it's just healthy and normal. I mean, sometimes I'm tired, or she's a little tired, but when we think about it, it's just nice to do for each other."

"Everyday?" repeated Shinpachi, eyes wide. "For over ten years? With kids? That's completely unbelievable - "

"Real nice," Sanosuke said. "That sounds unbelievably nice." He looked at Shinpachi like Shinpachi was going to blow it.

"Everyday?" Shinpachi asked. "I don't even go on Tinder that often."

"Does that make us slutty?" wondered Heisuke out loud, sounding concerned.

Shinpachi blinked. "Oh, no, no no. Not slutty. Not - not exactly."

"You just like each other," Sanosuke tried to sound affirming.

"We do. We really do," said Heisuke. "I mean, before this week we did."

Yamazaki frowned at Shinpachi. With the disinterest of a medical examiner or a forensic accountant, he asked, "What do you do when she's having her period? Do you count those days in your average?"

"Oh," Heisuke said, "She likes it then. She says it helps with the cramps. It's a little bit messy, but we just put down a towel. That's not weird, is it?"

Shinpachi coughed. "What?"

"I've heard of that," said Yamazaki. 

"Oh, no," Sanosuke said, directing his words to both Shinpachi and Heisuke. "Not weird. Not weird at all."

Reassured, Heisuke said, "Even when she was pregnant, she liked it. The positions got kind of weird, but I'd do anything for her."

"Yeah, sure you would," Sanosuke said, a touch too heartily. 

Heisuke continued, "And then when the baby was overdue, the doctor suggested we do it because orgasms are supposed to help start labor. Those positions were _really_ weird."

Shinpachi shook his head, as if trying to clear some suddenly unwanted images.

Faintly, Yamazaki murmured, "Can't go against doctor's orders."

"Every day?" repeated Shinpachi again. "Even during pregnancy?"

"Yeah," Heisuke nodded "So a week without is a long time. I mean, sure, every day is a little time-consuming-"

Mid-swallow, Yamazaki began coughing. He put a hand up to his red face. "A little? Time-consuming?" He turned to Sanosuke and Shinpachi with an expression on his normally reserved face that could only be read as _Can you fucking believe this shit?_

"Yeah, I know," Heisuke said. "Sometimes it can be up to an hour - "

This time, Shinpachi did spit out his beer. "An hour? Each time? Not like, the total time you spent all that week?"

Yamazaki looked sardonic. "Romancing each other?"

"She wants to cuddle a lot. And I like that. Anyway, it doesn't take an hour every time," Heisuke said. "Just when she wants to go more than once."

"More than once?!?!" Shinpachi almost shouted.

"Yeah. She wanted three times a while ago. She likes to talk after, but sometimes I'm just too tired. I mean, I like talking to her after, but like, after a whole day's work and the kids, I get tired, you know?"

Yamazaki shook his head, as if he really, really did not know.

"You should always try to cuddle after, if that's what she wants," Sanosuke said.

Behind Heisuke's back, Shinpachi counted out 3 fingers and held them up to the light, as if seeking personal illumination. Silently, he mouthed, "Three," at the other two listeners. 

Sanosuke gave Shinpachi a look that somehow conveyed "Shut up," and "Grow up," and "I can't believe it either."

Frowning, Yamazaki said, "Maybe you should talk to her. Let her know how you feel."

"Yeah," Shinpachi agreed. 

Sanosuke nodded. "Communication with your lady is really important."

A buzz sounded among the four men. Heisuke pulled out his phone out of his pocket and checked. "Oh, it's Chizuru. I should be heading home."

"Really," Yamazaki said as Heisuke put on his jacket. "Talk to her."

"I will," Heisuke promised. "I will."

"Good luck," Sanosuke said, patting Heisuke on the back.

It was bare seconds before Shinpachi began to howl. "WHAT?!" he shouted, as if he had been holding it in the entire night and was only now unleashed. "Can you believe that? That was unbelievable!"

"They're like superheroes. Superheroes of marital sex!" declared Sanosuke, slapping the top of the bar.

"Just heroes of sex, period," said Shinpachi.

"This has to be a joke," Yamazaki said.

"Romance, you said," said Shinpachi, poking Sanosuke in the side. "It's un-fucking-believable is what it is."

"How else do you talk about it?" Sanosuke asked. "To Heisuke? Look at the guy, he's a walking sap over Chizuru. You can't ask him if he's banging his old lady nightly!"

"Three times! In one night!" Shinpachi howled. "Are you freaking kidding me?"

Yamazaki looked down at his drink and grinned. "They just really, really like each other."

"The only thing that makes me think this has got to be true is that there is no way on this good green earth that Heisuke would ever, ever, be able to pull this off as a joke," Yamazaki said.

"Yeah, only maybe Okita - " Sanosuke mentioned a work colleague.

"Okita absolutely would. Heisuke absolutely could not," Yamazaki said.

"Oh, man. Do you believe it?" Shinpachi asked.

Sanosuke paused and then nodded. "I have to. He would not make this up."

"There is the idea that some people who are more, uh, unselfconscious, have more sex," Yamazaki offered.

"You mean stupid," Shinpachi said.

"Unhindered by society's burdens and constraints," said Yamazaki.

Sanosuke chuckled. "Yeah, Heisuke's definitely unhindered, all right."

Shinpachi mourned, "I can't get a date and there's Heisuke with the most unreal sex life I've ever heard of. Life ain't fair."

"Didn't both of you go to school with both of them?" Yamazaki asked.

"Yeah," Sanosuke said. "She was really cute, and god knows what Heisuke did to get her attention. I should have tried harder to get in there before Heisuke. Daily sex? Damn. _Damn._ " 

A corner of Yamazaki's mouth curled upwards. "Well, I guess Heisuke must have been cuter." 

Shinpachi grinned. "Speaking for myself, I was pretty cute then."

Sanosuke laughed. "We were hotter than him, but yeah, he was cuter than both of us put together."

* * *

"Yamazaki!" greeted Shinpachi as the other man sat down at the bar. "Good to see you, again."

"You going to make this a regular thing now?" Sanosuke asked, peering around Shinpachi's other side.

"Last week was really interesting," Yamazaki said. 

"That's great - "

Before Shinpachi could finish, into the bar bounced the last of the previous week's quartet. Heisuke grinned at his friends and shouted happily at the bartender for service.

"How'd it go?" asked Sanosuke, smiling in response to Heisuke's obvious energy.

"I took Susumu's advice. Even though Chizuru and me didn't have time to talk until another day had gone by. Anyway, she really wanted to talk."

"So?" asked Shinpachi curiously.

Heisuke's face fell into serious lines. "She had felt bad because the last time we had sex, I hadn't thanked her, and then I felt bad she hadn't kissed me goodbye that next morning, and so we cleared it all up." He smiled in radiant relief. 

"That's it?" asked Yamazaki. "A kiss and a thank you? And it's over?"

"You thank her for sex?" asked Shinpachi, ignoring Yamazaki to get to the real questions.

"Each time?" asked Sanosuke.

"Sure. I mean, she's giving you a gift, the gift of herself, and I gotta thank her for that. You don't?" asked Heisuke, innocently taking a sip of his drink. 

"Eh, maybe that's why Shinpachi can never get a second date," grinned Sanosuke.

"Maybe that's why you can't ever get past the second hook-up," countered Shinpachi.

"At least I know thanking someone for sex is a good thing to do - " Sanosuke started.

"I mean, she thanks me, too," Heisuke added, as if anxious to clear up some murky mystery.

"Of course," Yamazaki said, as if a great mystery had been cleared up. "Of course that's what you do."

"Have you ever been thanked for sex? After?" Shinpachi asked Sanosuke.

Sanosuke thought for a moment and grinned. "No, but I've definitely had some people thanking god during." They both laughed and high-fived.

Yamazaki asked, "And it's all good now?"

"Yup," Heisuke nodded. "We kissed and made up."

"And you did have, uh, relations - sorry, romance - then?" Yamazaki asked, interrupting himself to clarify for the sake of his audience.

"Yup. That night, and again that morning." Heisuke looked a little love-struck. "I was late to work, but it was worth it."

Shinpachi held up two fingers in the space over Heisuke's head, mouthing, "Two. Two times."

Sanosuke's narrowed eyes said, _Shut up._ His mouth, meanwhile, said, "I'm glad you two worked it out. It really is about communication, I always say."

"You're right, Sano, you're always right." Heisuke's phone buzzed. "Oh, it's a text from Chizuru. I gotta go. Good to see you guys." He slugged back his beer, threw some money onto the bar, and left.

"Really, I don't know how they don't have more kids," Yamazaki said. "Modern contraceptives are amazing."

"That night, and the following morning?" asked Shinpachi. "Who's got the energy for that?" 

"Obviously, they do," Sanosuke said.

"They're like animals!"

"Unburdened," said Yamazaki. "I've got to bring it around from the other night. They're unburdened by society's definitions of how often and how much is appropriate. I will grant you that it sounds like they've also got some crazy amount of energy."

"And they just cleared it up, with like, a kiss and make up sex?" Shinpachi asked.

Yamazaki sighed and nodded. "Don't forget two times, and saying thank you."

"Who the fuck just does something like that--" Shinpachi held up his hand before the other two men could say something. "We know who. It's Heisuke and Chizuru. Dumb question."

"They're like out of some romance novel," Sanosuke said. 

"A slutty romance novel," Shinpachi specified. 

Yamazaki said, "It's nice. I mean, they just really, really like each other."

"Maybe it's just slutty for each other?" Sanosuke offered.

Shinpachi smiled. "If it were me, I'd be happy to take just plain slutty."

The three men broke up into laughter.

After a moment, Sanosuke raised his glass. "I propose a toast." The other two turned to him. "To Heisuke, the dumbest, best guy I know, and to Chizuru, the girl who got away."

"And their continued romancing," Yamazaki said, lifting his own glass. "To really, really liking someone."

With a grin, Shinpachi said, "I hope we all find our own slutty romance novel romances."

They clinked glasses.

**Author's Note:**

> There's something about Heisuke's over-sharing and cluelessness and his absolute devotion to Chizuru, plus how his friends would react to what he might think are simple statements made me want to put all that together into this nonsense of a story.


End file.
